This may be the last time you hear from us.

If so, goodbye.

The Today studio is surrounded

by men in suits

and power women

who’ve set fire to the building

and are demanding we surrender

John Humphrys, to be lynched

outside the Langham.

Their banners say

not that they are tired of being accused

of cover-ups or failures or

of stories about their financial affairs

and/or their sexual affairs

but that they are sick to death

of always being interrupted

when they try to answer questions

from over-paid hacks.

Our producer is shouting

let them eat Sushi

but me I’m scared.

I hope they’ve changed the firing orders to the Vanguards

and if my mother’s listening

I like to say I’m





First published in Snakeskin 252, June 2018